The Blog of auroraborealis

There is a guy here on EP, and he doesn't read blogs, so I can talk about him behind his back here and he'll never know--thank God, because I need somewhere to put this!

I met him on EP back in March.    I went back and read our first email exchange from March 30th--I knew he was amazing even then.    I've been nursing a crush on and off on this guy ever since, but lately it's kind of been getting out of hand.   I'm in real danger of falling hopelessly and helplessly in love with this man.   

I have a history of falling for guys that I love, but don't really like.    The guys I fall for that I like, I'm sexually attracted to them more because I like them, it's not that out of control on-fire thing.

This guy, WOW!   I love him in that mad, passionate, on-fire kind of way and I really like him because he's sweet, gentle, kind, intelligent, brilliant, witty.    The thing that I love most about him is that I can be myself with him without reservation--I trust him.   I can be my whole bat-shit crazy, off the wall goofy self.   I can be who I am without fear of judgement.    He's a really great friend, he's sweet, kind and understanding.    And he's HOT!!!!    Dirty, sexy, bad-boy HOT!!!

I feel light when I'm around him.   Not floating, I feel grounded, but light.   My soul feels light and at peace, like all is right with the world.    I was having a bad week at work last week and I was really trying hard to push everyone away and just wallow in my misery, but, and I don't know whether or not he was trying to do this or it just happened, I couldn't be miserable.   He makes me smile whether I want to or not.

I'm falling for him--hopelessly and helplessly falling for him.   I'm doing my best not to, and I've been trying to avoid him just so I can get my head screwed on straight and figure out what to do about this, but I have trouble avoiding him.     I did a good job on Thursday, but when I get into work on Friday and log in to check my email on Yahoo, he's on-line--when I get into work it's 5:30 in the morning in his time zone!   I was kind of hoping in my heart of hearts that maybe he got up early just so he could chat with me--but alas, my hopes were dashed, he just went to bed early the night before and happened to get up early and was just killing time before work.    My heart kind of sunk, but it was still a good day.    Over all on Friday we spent an hour chatting on-line and four hours on the phone.    I've got my brain totally wrapped around this guy and it won't let go!

Have you ever been in love and had the feeling that someone completes you?    I don't get that feeling when I'm with him.    When I'm around him, I feel like a complete person who just loves him because he's a complete person, too.    It's balanced.    It's fun.  It's like we just like to hang out because we both have a lot to share, and just want someone to share it with.

There's two drawbacks to this--one is that he likes women who are a challenge and I'm not a challenge.   He conqured me in a cake walk, fell in heartbeat.   I'm way to easy pickings for him.   I can't go throwing it out there.    And all indicators are he just likes me as a friend.     A couple of blogs ago I wrote about a guy from the outside that I had invited to read my EP writings.    I sent this guy and email.   Coy usually isn't my style, I prefer to be direct, but I just couldn't in this case.   I sent him an email explaining that there was this guy I knew online that I had a major thing for and who just absolutely set me on fire, but the problem was I wasn't sure that he felt the same way about me, plus he lived pretty far away.   I explained that there could be potential for meeting someone who lived closer, someone who seemed like a really great guy.    I was trying to tell him that all he had to do was say so, and I wouldn't see this other guy, that if he wanted me, I would be his.    A very blase answer came back--just do what feels right.

He's right of course--and neither situation felt right.   I was just being really emotional because of what was going on at work.    At least I hope that's what it is.    Except that it isn't.   This guy is cutting deep.    Really deep.    He's just an incredible person.    Wonderful, amazing, beautiful.     Sweet, kind, gentle.  Brilliant, interesting.    Mature, understanding.    Really, really, really sexy.    There is no getting over this one.    I am hopelessly and helplessly in love.