The Blog of auroraborealis

It's not fair!!!    There is no use complaining, life is never fair.     I know, shit happens to everyone.   It's just that it's a way of life for me.   I work hard, I take care of those around me, I take the bare minimum that I abolutely need, and all I ever get in return is shit.    Good things only come to those who grab them.

I am facing a problem at work.   It doesn't matter how good of a job I do, I'm going to get skewered.   It's politics--there's not a damn thing I can do about it.   I'm not going to get fired, just skewered.    I work too damn hard for this.   I'm thorough, I'm consciencious, I'm passionate.   It doesn't matter.  It's never mattered.    On my last job I worked my ass off and it didn't matter.   I tried to change things, I tried to help people--no one cared.    It sucks being the only person who cares.    My boss on my last job would throw me under the bus and then blame me for being under the bus.    At least on this job my boss is smart and doesn't (I don't think) treat people like that.   The politics I'm facing are coming from higher up--all the way at the top.    It sucks.   It just sucks.   I choose not to be in management because I don't want to have to deal with this shit--they are not paying me enough to deal with this shit.    But I get to deal with this shit because I know what the fuck I'm doing.   I get it.   I know how to get shit done.   So the people who don't, have to make an example out of me to stroke their egos.  I can't quit because I've got a kid to feed.

I don't have the strength for this anymore.    I've been trying to distract myself, I've been trying to find bits of fun, but I've run out.   I'm tired.   All I want to do anymore is sit in a corner and cry.    I don't want to deal with this.   I'm sick of being alone.    I'm sick of having to fight all of these battles and get nothing but scars.   I'm not getting ahead, I'm not gaining traction.   I'm not respected, I'm not loved, I'm not well paid, I'm nothing.  Nothing.   Just nothing.  Nothing but tired, frustrated, lonely and miserable.    I just want out.   It's not fair.    It's just not fair.