The Blog of auroraborealis

Friday, that is.   It didn't end well.   I went home and went to bed and slept for a couple of hours.   My ex was taking my son and my son's friend out on his boat to watch a fireworks show and talked me into going.   I figured the fresh air and change of scenery would do me good.   But an unexpected storm came up and to make a long story very short we almost had a terrible accident.   We were all totally shaken by the time we got home.    On the way back into the dock I was laying in the berth in the front of the boat looking out the window wondering if I could take anymore.   We all had a terrible night's sleep--the boys were up and down all night long and so was I.    The dog picked up on our anxiety and she was jittery, too.   We didn't get up and have breakfast yesterday until after 1:00 in the afternoon.   When I got up I was so stiff it was hard to move.    But every time I ask myself that question--can I take anymore, the answer always comes back the same--of course I can!   I mean it's only life, right?    So what if I screw it up sometimes--that's part of the adventure.    Yeah, I'm lonely, painfully lonely sometimes, but other than that I've got a good life.   I don't have much.   All of my posessions are crammed into an 8X10 room where I spend most of my time.   I've just got books and clothes.   But I have a good job, I have a roof over my head, I have good food to eat.    Looking back out over the whole history of humanity, life really doesn't get much better than I've got it.    I've got a lot to be grateful for.

I went for a walk this morning around the lake and through the woods in the park that I posted the pictures of in "I like to walk."    While I was walking on the path around the lake I walked through these swarms and swarms of insects.   They looked like little moths but I'm not sure if they were.    Millions of them flying around looking for a moment of true love.    I'm sure that the majority will find it, but there are probably some that won't and will die totally disappointed at having givein it their all and not having had the opportunity to fufill their biological imperative.    Several yards after I passed throught the swarm I noticed one little guy that had broken away and was sitting on the railing and appeard to be looking out over the lake.    An observer.    I stopped and looked out to see just what it was this little one might be looking at and saw that the view was just gorgeous.    The water was deep gray blue, stretched out as far as the eye could see and the sky was dappled with heavy grey clouds    But down by the edge of the water some yellow flowers popped out in bright contrast, defiantly optimistic in the face of the approaching storm.   I laughed to myself wondering about my little friend--had it already found a mate and satisfied itself and was living out the remainder of it's short life in brief reflection or had it just gotten sick of fighting it's way through the swarm and just decided "screw it, life's too short for this" and went off to do it's own thing.   Or did it just get lost and couldn't find it's way back?

Life's short, life is fragile, life is precious.   Life is hard but it's always worth the effort.