The Blog of auroraborealis

Yes, I admit it, I have committment issues.    The double stuf keeps slipping out of my oreo and I have to be committed in order to pull it together again.    I don't want to go back into the hospital.    The food is good, I just *hate* arts and crafts, but I've got to start preparing just in case.    When I go in no one ever comes to visit me so I am stuck with whatever I've got on me when I'm admitted and by the time I'm so far gone that I have to be admitted, it's too late to start figuring out what I need, so I'm putting together an emergency kit in my backpack and first thing on the list is slippers--I always get stuck with shoes with shoelaces and have to take off the shoelaces and walk around with my shoes flopping around--I hate that.    Plus I need a change of clothes.   Last time they took my clothes away from me when I went in because they were filthy.    The details of personal hygiene had become too much for me and I hadn't changed my clothes in ten days and possibly even as long as two weeks.    I slept in them, I didn't shower.   One doctor asked me how I could have possibly deteriorated so far and for so long without anyone noticing--I thought it was pretty obvious, no one cared.   I think that preparing for committment is a good thing--it keeps me grounded in reality.   Usually I deny that there's anything wrong until I'm too far gone to do anything about it.    Being focused on it, staying focused on the fact that I am slipping in that direction--and I definitely am slipping in that direction--I can take preventative steps before it's too late.   I'm eating very well--no junk food, lots of fresh fruits and veggies and I'm exercising, I just got back from a four mile walk.    I really hope I can head this off before it's too late.