The Blog of auroraborealis

I'm dying inside and there is nowhere to turn for help, nothing that can be done.   I don't know how to handle the disappointment anymore, it's just crushing the life out of me.   Everything I've done I've done for my son, and he doesn't even care.   I stayed at a job that I hated--a job where I put in my all and no one cared.   I stayed there and put up with the humiliation for the one benefit I got out of it--I was able to leave in the middle of the day to get my son from school which allowed me to move him out of district to a much better school.    I had to work extra hours to make up the time, it was horribly inconvenient, it was a job I hated, but I was willing to do it because I loved him.   He was accepted into a science and technical high school.   It was advanced classes and would better his chances of getting a scholarship, and of being accepted into a good school.   But he didn't care about that--he got a C in algebra because he wanted to go to the regular high school and be with his friends.   So he could just hang out with his friends and have fun.    He doesn't care at all about the sacrafices I have made for him.   When I told my mom about this all she had to say was to let go of it and start putting the work into my own life.   Put work into what?    I'm just in another dead end job.   I just found out yesterday that my boss has his mistress working here.   She is grossly incomptent and my boss is throwing an extremely talented programmer under the bus to cover for her.   They are losing a one million dollar account because of her incompetence (she's the lead programmer on the project) and they are also losing a brilliant programmer--and no one in upper management cares.   My boss's boss is his buddy, they go back a long way, so my boss's ass is totally covered.   He's not going to get fired and neither is his mistress.   After this other programmer goes (and he is leaving very soon) I'm probably going to be the next one thrown under the bus to cover for her incompetence

I just wanted to love and be loved, to work hard and have it be appreciated--but that's too much to ask out of life.   There is no point in doing anything because everything I do is meaningless.   The only thing I want is for it all to be over.   I just want death to come and take me away from this hell I've been living in, it's just not worth it anymore.