The Blog of auroraborealis

I almost gave up this morning.   I had a bad asthma attack last night.   I did a breathing treatment and it got better, but his morning I woke up and had a severe attack.   I did a breathing treatment and it didn't work.    I considered letting it go and seeing how long it would take me to die, but I ended up going to the ER.    I got a steroid breathing treatment and a whole lot more prednesone, and I am at least breathing better.

I can't give up.   Even if I am just working my ass off for my own amusement, at least I am trying.   If I die, there's no more chocolate ice cream, no more sunrises, no more being horrendeously frustrated at my job and my ex husband.   

I had a phone interview yesterday and the job looks great.   I would love to get it and get out of the situation I am in at work.   I work really hard, and I work smart and no one where I work now even cares.    If I work 35 hours a week I get the same treatment as I get when I work 90+.    No one cares.   I do my level best to make my ex husband's life as easy as possible and all I get in return is called names.    I don't care.   I have tried to change thiings, I have tried to find better jobs but I came up empty.   I have tried to find other guys, but I get stalked or lied to.   But I don't care.   I don't care if that's all I get for the rest of my life, I'm not giving up.   I'm never giving up.   As long as I am alive and fighting I have hope for better.   If I give up I'll have died without ever knowing what it's like to be loved and appreciated--and that's worth fighting for, no matter how hard I have to fight for it.