Letting him in | auroraborealis's Blog

I'm letting Puck in and letting him help me.    Puck is exactly what I need in my life.   Exactly.    I have had this big ball of anger in my chest that has been building for a long time.    I try very, very hard never to take my anger out on anyone else, so I've just been hanging on to it.    Puck is helping me unwind it.

It comes from two places.    First, I don't like people's attitudes.   DB acted like he was doing me this huge favor by allowing me to talk to him.    Where the hell does he get off treating me like that?    His arrogance infuriated me.   My ex believes that if you are kind to people that it makes you less of a person, so he refuses to be kind.    He thinks he's brilliant and I'm so stupid I can't comprehend him.    And yet I end up explaining everything to him.   He's arrogant, too.    I hate the arrogance.    DB and Randy are a whole lot alike because Randy always acted like he was doing me this huge favor by allowing me to work for him.   Randy was unbelievably arrogant.   I gave it my all with all three of these guys and they all looked down on me, treated me like I was worthless.    Puck is the first guy I've ever met that doesn't treat me that way.    He treats me like I'm someone really special.    He treats me like I'm the most precious thing on earth.    He makes me cry.   He makes me feel like it isn't me, like maybe it is them, that I'm not this horrible person after all.

The other thing is that although I can be strong, brave, bold, adventurous, and I'm extremely resourceful and capable, I'm also a girly girl.     I have this soft, delicate, gentle side that I have to keep locked away.    Every time I've ever tried to be that way around a guy I've gotten ridiculed.    Puck is like this total manly man, he brings that side out in me, and he protects it.    He's tender and gentle and totally respects my softer side.   I've been trying so hard for years to not let that side of me show.   And now I've found a man that appreciates it.   It's so fantastic to be with a guy that doesn't treat me like a guy, I've never had that before.   And it's also nice that when I want to be bold and adventerous, he can accomodate that, too.    He loves all of me.

He's so patient and good with me.   He's the best friend I've ever had.    He actually cares if I'm having a bad day.   He cares when I'm tired.   He cares when I'm hurt.    That makes all the difference in the world.   I've never had anyone care before.    He not only gives me room to be me, he encourages me to be me.   He sees me, he gets me and he adores me.   I'm his princess.   I love being his princess.  

He heals me a little bit more every time I'm with him.   He doesn't rush me, he just gives me room to be me.    He is my dream.   Everything I've ever wanted in a man.     My past, my anger, my frustration, my sadness, it didn't happen overnight, and it's not going to go away overnight, either.   It's going to take some time to unwind, but the healing process has started.    Bit by bit I'm opening up, letting him in, and letting him take care of me.   I never knew love could be like this.    I'm stopping here and just letting him love me, care for me and heal me.   I need it.   I desperately need it.    Life had taken so much out of me I was on the verge of becoming a cold, bitter person.    He's putting it all back.   Filling me up with warmth and love.    He gives me so much I'm overflowing every day.    It's time to let go of the past.   I need to make a whole lot more room for him.   I'm the luckiest woman in the whole world.