Another long night | auroraborealis's Blog

I'm typing this out mostly to kill time.    I was in the office all day yesterday, I came home and walked five miles, and worked from 9 until 2:30.    Rosie woke me up to go out at five.   It's garbage day, her favorite day of the week, and she was very anxious to get out there and sniff.   I have to stay awake so I can take the boys to school in fourty minutes.   It's going to be a long weekend.   I have to work all weekend, but after that, things should start getting easier.    We are rolling out two clients on the software that I spent a year writing.   New servers, new technology, new code--everything is new and we are working the kinks out and converting millions and millions of records of data.

A few weeks back I hit a problem and talked my boss into hiring a contractor.   He did but I knew more than the guy they brought in!    The company apologized, refunded the money and sent out their heavy hitter.   He's been spending some time working with me and I've got a ton more knowledge about how databases work--hardcore knowledge.   I'm practically a full blown DBA now.   On top of my other skills in project management, system design and programming I'll never have any trouble ever finding a job again.    But best of all, I'm starting to love what I do again.    No more burnout.

He has taken all of my sadness and replaced it with joy.    Yeah, I'm exhausted, but I'm having fun so I don't feel it.    I don't feel heavy, or put upon, I just overjoyed.    He kept me company last night.    He's so sweet.   And kind.    And I'm SO not used to that.    He's so good to me, and he says that he's going to be even better, but I don't see how he possibly could be.   I've never had a man love me, or be kind to me, or show me any affection.    I used to feel like a black hole, like no one could ever love me enough to fill it, but it didn't take much.    I used to feel like damaged goods, like no one could ever love me.    I've always had confidence and excellent self-esteem, but the way men always treated me made me feel unloveable.    Not this one.    He makes me feel whole, complete, secure and completely and totally loved!   It's going to take a little while, we both have unfinished business in our lives, but someday we're going to be married an my happiness will be complete.    It's like a fairy tale.   After that long, hard, brutal slog there really will be a happily ever after.