Responsibility | auroraborealis's Blog

I've been pondering responsibility today.   I've been sick for the last couple of days and I've been working from home.    Right now, I'm sitting in my office waiting until I can push something to production.    I have a bad sinus infection and can only open my right eye part way because it's so swollen.    My head aches, I have a really sore throat, and my lungs itch because whatever this is is moving into my chest.    Why the hell am I in my office?    Because I need to be onsite to make sure that everything goes smoothly.   Someone suggested to me today that if I got some rest I might feel better.   I can't rest until the job is done, and it all comes down to one thing:   I like power.    I'll take power over comfort any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

I'm not power hungry, I don't want power for it's own sake, I want it because I trust myself with it.    Before I left on vacation one of the Directors where I work (he's also a part owner in the company) tried to take control of the issues that we were having--he said that the owners and other directors asked him to get a handle on the situation.    I have no respect for this guy at all--he's too stupid to know what an idiot he is--and I know it showed.    I was actually trying to solve stuff and he was wasting my time and getting in my way.   I don't suffer fools gladly and I refuse to kiss his ass just because I could get fired if I don't.    He's a guy who wants power to ameliorate his insecurities.    I want power because I need it to get the job done.    If you accept responsibility you have to see it through to the end.   That Director just held a bunch of meetings while I was there and sent out a bunch of emails.   As soon as I left for vacation all of the issues got dropped and waited until I got back--even the critical ones.

Power comes at a price.   If I want the power, I have to be willing to pay that price, and I am.   I like knowing I'm the one who gets the job done.    I like being the one that gets the call when no one else can figure it out.    I like the challenge, and I enjoy pushing myself to my limits just to see what I can do--how will I ever find out if I don't?

Being that person sucks at this moment, but this moment will pass and I will look back with pride at the fact that I had what it took to get the job done.   Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead!