Digging for buried treasure | auroraborealis's Blog

I had an extremely bad day today.    I'm not feeling well, I'm tired all the time, I'm having so much trouble coping.   It's not one asshole.    If it were just DB it wouldn't be so bad.   I just talk about him the most because I'm still absolutely stunned by the way he treated me.   I never, ever saw it coming.    His absolute coldness and cruelty when I was sick just blew me away and I'm still having a really, really difficult time wrapping my brain around it.    I've had people treat me horribly before, but that's the first time I've ever had someone laugh in my face while doing it.    But it's not just him.   It's just all of it.

I am a very, very generous person.    I know first hand how harsh and cruel and short life is.    Someone recently said to me something to the effect of "people often have good intentions, you actually follow through and do them."    I am well acquainted with death and have had too many opportunities to reflect on my own mortality.    I know very well that my life could end at any moment and while I'm here I'm only going to think once about doing something nice and a hundred times before doing anything mean.   I will always value people and their feelings above all else.    No matter how hard it gets I will always live my life this way because, as difficult as it's been, I am fortunate enough to have had the kind of life that has taught me what's truly important.     God keeps his greatest treasures underneath the floorboards of hell for a reason--you really have to want them to go there and get them.     I've gotten more than my share which is why I can afford to be so generous.

I'm going through a very rare period of self-centeredness.    I am reeling in pain and I'm having trouble regaining my balance.    There's a life lesson in this, as well, I'm just still too close to it that I can't see it yet.    It's going to take me a while longer to recover, so please bear with me.   But I will regroup soon.

Wynhaven and TrentMaisieNoraDobbs, thank you so very, very much for your wonderful stories, I appreciate them more than I can possibly tell you.  I've never had people say such nice things about me, ever.   I can't even express how much I love both of you and how completely grateful I am for your love and support.    Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I've finally hit bottom, and I might be staying here for a while, if only to dig for more buried treasure.    But I will regroup soon and I will be back and better than ever.